


Super Couples and Sleeplessness

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Thicker than Water [52]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Friendship, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 15:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2433197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Yeah, I think the last thing we need is for your life to turn into <i>Valley of the Dolls</i>.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Super Couples and Sleeplessness

**Author's Note:**

> This story is written in the **Thicker than Water** universe, where the BAU are kids and teens. It’s written for the alphabet meme and [](http://vc-forever.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://vc-forever.livejournal.com/)**vc_forever** ’s prompt of **I is for insomnia**. I mangled the time and plotlines on the show they’re watching but I wrote this for entertainment not accuracy.

“I can't believe I'm doing this.” Hotch mumbled.

“Oh c'mon, it’s not so bad.”

“No, it’s bad. It’s pretty bad.”

“No it’s not that bad. I mean it could be worse.”

“If it’s not bad then how can it be worse?” he asked. “To quote Spencer, that might be empirically impossible.”

“You're not quoting Spencer.” She smiled. “He would always say that it is empirically impossible.”

“Hey, it’s her again.” Hotch pointed at the screen. “What's her name?”

“Vicki. She’s going after Grant to make her ex-boyfriend Ryan jealous; they're brothers. She's also gonna give Paulina the shove as a payback for a history with Jake. She's killing two birds with one stone.”

“Who the hell is Jake?”

“He's not in this episode.”

“How can you even keep up with this? It goes at a pace that only PCP addicts can keep up with.”

“Why do you think I record it silly?”

“Tell me how this couldn’t be any worse?” Hotch asked folding his arms.

“I could be watching _One Life to Live_. Zoë keeps trying to convert me but I'm not going down without a serious battle.”

“Is that the one with the woman with all the personalities?”

“Ooh,” Emily looked at him. “You better tell me how you know that.”

“Haley likes that one.”

“Eww, even more reason I'm glad I don’t.”

“Prentiss…” he tried, and failed, to give her the stern look. “What's this one called again?”

“ _Another World_.”

“I'm thinking that title is entirely appropriate.”

“You should just relax and enjoy it.” Emily replied. “You're not supposed to take it seriously; it’s a wonderful distraction.”

“I don’t need a distraction. I need to sleep.”

“How many nights is this?”

“Four.” Hotch said. “I'm just glad it’s finally the weekend. I've been dead on my feet at school. I told Mr. Kassmeyer that I wouldn’t be able to come in tomorrow. I foolishly thought I might be sleeping.”

“What do you think caused it?” Emily asked.

“If I knew that I would find the source and destroy it. I've tried everything; warm milk, hot tea, lukewarm showers, exercise, transitional breathing, reading, and writing. I even tried masturbation…and I cannot believe I just told you that.”

“Me neither.” She stifled her giggling.

“The other night I took some pills that claim to help you get a full night’s rest. I managed four hours but I'm not getting hooked on drugs so I can sleep.”

“Yeah, I think the last thing we need is for your life to turn into _Valley of the Dolls_.”

“I just don’t know what I'm gonna do.” Hotch sighed.

“You can talk about it.”

“Talk about what?”

“You can tell me what’s bothering you. Something has to be bothering you if you have insomnia this bad.”

“No, nothing’s bothering me.” he shook his head.

“See, rule #1 of telling someone something is that being truthful is important.” Emily replied.

“I am being truthful, Em. Hey, isn’t that the guy who was dating Vicki in the last episode?” he pointed to the TV again.

“No, he's dating her sister Marley. She’s the sweet twin, and was also married once to Jake…who’s not in this episode.”

“Wait, they're twins but shared a husband and a boyfriend?”

“Pretty much.” Emily nodded.

“That’s awful.”

“That’s soap operas, Hotch. It's entertainment.”

“OK, it’s awful and scary. But I guess it beats looking at my ceiling all night.” He sighed. “Not by much but by a little.”

“Do you think it might be school stress?” Emily asked.

“No, school is fine.”

Hotch and Emily started 11th grade about a month ago. The work wasn’t so bad though Hotch was sure he would need a tutor for chemistry class. Pre-Calculus would be OK while the reading list for AP English 3 would challenge him. Spanish 3 might be his first ever C but American History and Political Science would be a breeze.

“You can talk to me about anything you know.” Emily said. “Anything you ever want to talk about and I will always listen to you. Wait…asterisk; you cannot talk to me about sex with Haley. I mean unless you have no other options. I’d never turn you away but I would prefer, you know so both us could maintain some semblance of sanity, that we just never go there. Know what I mean?”

“I think this conversation just went somewhere strange.” Hotch replied.

“Its 1:30 in the morning. It was bound to happen eventually.”

“That’s true.” he laughed some. “Maybe I’ll just get some tea to help me sleep. Do you want some tea?”

“That would put me straight to sleep, no offense, and I have an hour more to go. I think Rachel is gonna read Carl’s letter and realize that he's serious.”

“Serious about what?”

“He's serious about being in love with her. This isn’t another one of his diabolical schemes. I think he really means it, and it’s so lovely. Though I can't blame her for doubting him.”

“Why would she doubt him?” Hotch asked.

“Oh that’s a long story.”

Hotch had nothing but time. He might as well be entertained if he couldn’t be having sweet dreams. He wasn’t sure Rachel and Carl were entertaining but he knew Emily always had a flair for telling a story.

“Well it starts too long ago to really get into it; even before we were born. Carl Hutchins is rich but he’s also a schemer. He tried to kill Rachel and her late husband Mac more times than I can count. There was poison, shootings, train derailments, mind control…anything you can think of and Carl did it. He’s the quintessential diabolical bad guy. He’s handsome, cultured, and has a real British accent, not a really bad fake one like the guy on _As the World Turns_.

“This makes it easier to pull people, particularly women, into his tangled webs. Anyway, Mac and Rachel are a super couple. That means no matter how many times they break up, make up, marry other people, discover illegitimate children, die, or come back from the dead, they’re meant to be.”

“Are you serious?” Hotch asked.

“Yes…this is serious stuff. So, a super couple has to always be in love and trying to get back to each other or the audience will go nuts. Bad things happen when the audience goes nuts. But the actor who played Mac passed away suddenly. So the writers, as well as the cast and the fans, were devastated. They pulled out the Red Swan storyline to explain his death.

“Mac was chasing after it when he died but no one really knew why. The storyline introduced Ken Jordan and later Paulina, of Paulina and Jake fame, who turned out to be Mac’s illegitimate daughter. Ken, on the other hand…he was different. At first it seemed as if he and Rachel were gonna fall in love. I was against this; he had no pizzazz. Mac was rich, dashing, smart; awesome. Ken wasn’t even cute.

“So, I was peeved but it looked like the writers were going there. They were sort of dating and then the storyline shifted to make us think that Ken might not be one of the good guys. Maybe he wasn’t helping Mac look for the Red Swan but had killed him to keep him from knowing its whereabouts. We never find out the truth because the storyline was squashed right in the middle. No one really missed it. As I said, Ken wasn’t the most intriguing character on the planet. I like Paulina a lot better.

“Once that was over, Carl suddenly comes back to town. No one knew what for but everyone was on guard. I swear he tried to kill like everyone in Bay City at one time or another. They alluded that he was smack in the middle of the Red Swan debacle and may have seen or spoken to Mac before he died. But maybe it was more than that and he might have been responsible for killing Mac. A year or so later and no one is really sure what…”

Emily stopped talking when she heard the way Hotch was breathing. She looked down and he was asleep. His head rested on her shoulder; his arms were still folded. She smiled, reveling in her victory. Intricate soap plot threads usually entertained Emily; she could go and had gone for hours discussing the lives of these amazing characters.

She figured it would bore Hotch to tears though. It was just an added bonus that it bored him to sleep. Smiling, she kissed his forehead and put her feet up on the ottoman. It was a good idea to get comfortable since she had no intention of moving. There was no use lulling the poor kid to sleep just to wake him up so he could go to bed. He would lose his sleep mojo before he got to the top of the steps.

They would just share the couch tonight and endure any jokes and giggles in the morning. That kind of thing didn’t matter to Emily when her twin couldn’t sleep. She knew something was wrong but he wouldn’t, or couldn’t, share. They’d known each other now for over a year.

A million things about their relationship changed for the better. One thing about Hotch that would never change…his walls were as difficult to scale as Kilimanjaro. Emily loved him; she could deal with it. It was secondary to the almost peaceful breathing of his sleep while his body rested on hers.

“Sweet dreams, Hotch.”

Emily turned down the TV some and went back to watching her show.

***

  



End file.
